I have been wanting to reply your mail after I read it, but I have been pretty busy this week. Apologies.
In Kendo training, we have always been asked to feel ourselves: whether we are using too much right hand; or our shoulders are too tense; or not band our kneels too much, etc.
In the beginning stage, it would be difficult for beginners to do the movement right since they don't even realize they are using too much right hand or can't really feel how much we have banded our kneels.
Therefore, realization is important. Realize your own feelings such as frustration, fear or pressure. And this would open the door to another stage of your own development.
Usually, we get used to be ourselves, therefore we don't realize the things we did are wrong. Such as a lack confidence person might not even know he/she is lack confidence; on the other hand, a big-head person might not know he/she is too self centered. If we don't know what our problems are, there is no way we can change it.
Once we know what our problems are, whether we are going to fix it or improve it will be another issue, and this is the difficult part.
We feel frustrated in the training, what do we do, keep going or give up?
Making the decision is easy, but going for the right one (how do define right will be another issue) sometimes is hard.
This is not only refer to the Kendo training but also our lives. To help us to make the right decision, we need courage, strong spirit, and guts!
I am not saying I can do it all the time, I am still working on it. I do sometimes find myself the easy way out, but I am trying to improve it myself.
Whenever I need to make the decision, try to go for the right one other than the easy one.
Hope you can do the same.
Been a good person is hard, and why do we want to do it. My version would be because we want to sleep well at night and never feel regret. You need to find your own answer to this question.
This mail might be confusing and might not be constructive at all, but these are just my thoughts after I read your findings.
Reply to your "Thank you, Thank you and Thank you": You are welcome X 3, glad to be helpful (I mean it too :P)
See you in the future,